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1. Why don't women just leave?

There are many reasons a woman may stay in an abusive relationship. The main reason is fear. She may fear she will be found and seriously injured or killed if she tries to leave. Since the batterer is fighting for power and control over her, the batterer is willing to do just about any thing to keep her. She may fear she can not support herself or the children on her own. She may fear no one will believe her. Her family and/or church may not believe her or may tell her the abuse is normal, and that it is her duty as a wife to keep the family together. She may feel that children need to be with their father.

While there are many reasons why a woman may stay in an abusive relationship, it's important to remember that she is the victim of a crime. The perpetrator has said he loves her and that she loves him. The batterer is the one choosing to be violent. The question should be "Why does the batterer abuse her?"

2. How are children affected by domestic violence?

Children are affected in many ways by violence in the home. Even if children do not directly witness the abuse, they are aware of what is going on. Children who witness a parent being abused will often behave as if they have been abused themselves. It is not uncommon to see kids in this situation behave differently.

Differences may include an increase in temper tantrums, use of foul language, a change in sleep or eating patterns, acting sad and/or not wanting to play with friends, acting fearful of leaving mom, and problems at school such as aggressive behaviors, poor concentration, or changes in grades. Any time there is trauma such as this in a child's life, it is important to get help and support for them.

3. Are there any signs that someone will be abusive?

There are signs in a person's behavior that may indicate that that person will be abusive. We call these signs "red flags."

Some red flags of potential batterer are that may come on too strong and fast, say I love you too soon, or act too good to be true. Another red flag to look for is jealousy. Jealousy of other relationships past or present, real or imagined. Even in a relationship, one still has the right to have friendships.

Listen to how they talk about previous partners and family. Is there respect for these people? Family relationships can be a huge indicator of how they are going to behave in relationships. Look for consistency in behavior. Does this person say one thing and then do or act in another way? Do they blame others for their mistakes? Most important, trust your gut feelings. If something tells you this person is not all they claim to be, you are probably right.

Early on, many times victims will say these signs were not present, but in hindsight they will often say the warning signs were present. This is because often, these are things that make us feel special and are not looked at critically until things get abusive.

4. What are signs that a woman is a victim of domestic violence?

• She is frightened or seems threatened when her partner is angry
• She worries that her partner will be jealous or suspicious
• Her partner makes all or most decisions
• Her partner criticizes her frequently
• She apologizes frequently for her partner's behavior
• She's withdrawn from friends and family
• She seems in a hurry to get home
• Her partner breaks things, throws things, intimidates her, or is cruel to children or animals
• She may quit her job
• She or her partner grew up in a violent home

5. How can I help?

Here are some things you can do if you know someone is in an abusive relationship. Listen to her and believe her. Many times a woman will keep silent in fear that she will not be believed. Help her create a safety plan to get out now or when the violence happens again. Allow her to make the plan with your suggestions and support. Remember, this is her life and she needs to make the choices. Give her our number at (303) 838-4441, or numbers in her area, to get support and shelter if needed.